Gnawzguz
by CanzetYote
Summary: After joining the BAU, Pinky has helped them solve a few cases. Things take an unexpected turn when Brain is kidnapped and a mysterious postcard is found. Can Pinky, Hotch, Morgan, Reid, JJ, Rossi and Garcia find the unsub and save Brain in time? Currently rated T, but may change to M rating in later chapters.
1. Dinner and Freunlaven

**NOTE:** _This story is a sequel to Pinky And The BAU. Pinky has finally been accepted as an FBI agent for the Behavioral Analysis Unit. While his friend, Brain tries to hatch new world domination schemes, Pinky is out catching serial killers with Hotch, JJ, Reid, Morgan, Rossi and Garcia._

It had been a week since Pinky had joined the BAU but in that week, he had tackled a surprising number of cases. In total the BAU had 3 additional cases after the elderly car wash murders:

The first case was in Michigan and involved an unsub who was abducting asthmatics, withholding their inhalers and forcing them to run on a treadmill till they passed out and died. Turned out that man was 29-year old Trent Ferris, a pharmacist whose little sister died of asthma. He saw himself as an angel of mercy but was really a social darwinist hell-bent on killing asthmatics because he felt betrayed by his dead sister. Pinky and JJ confronted him as he was about to kill a victim but it ended in suicide by cop when he pulled his gun on JJ. Turned out, he kept the inhalers as trophies.

The second case was in Florida and involved an unsub who was killing her victims with her exotic venomous snake collection. Turned out, she was Cindy Lang, a 35 year old Asian-American necrophiliac who lured her male victims on a kinky fetish website where she went by the screen name BlueMamba. She was sexually aroused by the sight of bloated, envenomed bodies and when she was little, she survived a rattlesnake bite and began drinking snake venom to "build up immunity". Rossi, Pinky and Reid burst in on her but she died of a bite from one of her own snakes before she could be arrested.

The third case was in Oregon and involved an animal rights activist/family annihilator unsub who was killing wolf hunters and their families. Turned out the man was 24 year old Zachary Caldwell who was a schizophrenic under the delusion that he was part wolf and that hunters were killing his pack. He would urinate on each father and bite each mother on the neck as a calling card. Pinky managed to reason with him alone, giving him a tearful speech on the importance of family before he was arrested by Hotch and JJ who were waiting behind some bushes.

All in all, Pinky had a fun time with the BAU. Of all the agents, Pinky grew the closest to Spencer Reid and Jennifer Jareau but would chat every now and then with Penelope Garcia and Derek Morgan. He rarely spoke with Aaron Hotcher and David Rossi, though but they still got along.

It was night and JJ had treated her husband, Will and fellow agents, Pinky and Morgan to dinner at a fancy restaurant to celebrate Pinky's success as a BAU agent. Reid and Garcia were away at a comic convention while Hotch and Rossi had other plans. JJ smiled as she looked around the table, "I would like us all to propose a toast to our newest agent, Pinky. Not only does he brighten our lives but he has managed to successfully talk down 2 serial killers into surrendering. Say it with me now on the count of three...one...two...three"

"NARF!" JJ, Morgan, Pinky and Will shouted in unison as they clinked glasses. Pinky was the only one without an alcoholic beverage in his glass. Then again, alcohol made him uncharacteristically angry and temperamental so he avoided it entirely. One time, Brain had a scheme that involved alcohol and Pinky got drunk. It ended pretty badly with Brain in the ER from Pinky's drunken tantrum and he vowed never to use alcohol in his plans again.

Will smiled at Pinky, "So, JJ told me that you're a mother. How is that possible?"

"Oh, Brain was doing some cloning to take over the world and my nail got in the way of his experiment. Poit. Romy popped out of the machine and before I knew it, I was a mommy." Pinky let out a sad sigh, "Now I know babies come from machines and not the stork."

Morgan gave Pinky a weird look, "Well, that is true in the case of most robots."

Pinky gasped, "So, we're all robots? How come I don't go all buzz buzz fry fry boom when I cry, then?"

"You're a waterproof robot, Pinky." JJ joked.

Pinky giggled, "Well, that would explain a lot."

"How often do you see your son, Pinky?" JJ asked.

"I write to him every day...but I can't find the mail box. Poit. Brain usually sends the letters for me. I have his drawings on my fridge...actually, Brain says it's a sardine can but I say it's a fridge. Sometimes I look at the drawings and cry but I'm a waterproof robot so my tears don't make me all buzz buzz fry fry boom." Pinky replied.

JJ giggled, "I was only joking about the robot thing."

Pinky rubbed his chin, "So, that's why I don't go beep beep beep when I go through the walky things at the airport. Troz!"

Morgan looked around the table, "You know, Pinky. I think you're doing a pretty good job with the BAU. Maybe even better than Blake. You're like a wildcard agent, your speciality is confusing the unsub into submission. Surprisingly effective tactic."

Pinky gasped, "I'm a wildcard? Eeeeeee! So, I CAN be red, blue, green or yellow!"

Will chuckled, "Haven't played UNO in a long time."

JJ smiled, "Maybe we can play it with Henry in a few years."

Pinky sighed as a nostalgic tear rolled down his cheek, "I miss Romy..."

Morgan placed a hand on Pinky's shoulder, "I'm sure your son misses you, too."

Pinky sniffed and rubbed his eyes, "Thanks, Morgan. Zort!"

Meanwhile, Reid and Garcia had just finished going to the convention and Reid was rambling on, "I can't believe Rob Paulsen sung the Yakko's World song perfectly, I must admit, it must've taken years of practice to remember that."

Garcia chuckled, "You could probably memorize that song in a day. Anyway, they were giving away some leftover toys and I grabbed this."

Garcia pulled a Pinky doll out of her pocket which had a pullstring. She pulled the string and the Pinky doll spoke, "I love you. Narf!"

Reid smiled, "Let me try." The young genius pulled the string and Pinky spoke, "I think so, Brain but me and Pippi Longstocking, what would the children look like?"

Both Reid and Garcia burst into laughter and Garcia smiled, "I can't believe he's part of our team now."

Reid nodded, "And he's actually doing a pretty good job. Maybe the theories were right about Pinky being a genius and Brain being the insane one. After all, megalomania is often considered to be a form of insanity."

Garcia nodded, "Only in fanfiction could something like this happen."

"Careful with the fourth wall there, Garcia. It's pretty fragile." Reid smirked.

Meanwhile, Brain was sitting in the lab, all alone, going over his blueprints for world domination. This time, his plan involved flowers which would release a hypnotic pollen when they bloomed and the pollen contained a subliminal message to hail Brain as the world leader. He began to speak, "Pinky, are you pondering what..." He turned around and Pinky wasn't there, "Oh, right. You're an agent now...you've got better things to do. Like catch killers." Letting out a sigh, Brain rubbed his head. It just wasn't the same without Pinky around. The atmosphere was eerily quiet. No narf. No poit. No zort. No troz. No giggling and inane questions or singing. It was almost unnerving. At first, he thought the silence would help him concentrate on his plans easier but thoughts crossed his mind. What if Pinky was being held at gunpoint by an unsub? What if he forgot his vest and was shot in the chest? Brain was worried about Pinky. Suddenly, a noise got Brain's attention, "Pinky?" Brain spun around and saw a small, dark figure approach him, "You're not Pinky! Just who do you think you are?"

"GNAWZGUZ!" The figure replied and instantly, Brain was tackled to the ground and getting beaten repeatedly. He tried his best to fight back but was easily overpowered. He closed his eyes and slowly faded away into unconciousness.

Meanwhile, back at the restaurant, Aaron Hotchner was dining out with his girlfriend, Beth Clemmons. A waiter who looked very similar to Jerry Lewis approached them and spoke, "Hey there, I will be your waiter. FREUNLAVEN! I will do the serving of the menus and the serving of the food. Would you like me to sing a song for you?"

"That wouldn't be necessary, thank you." Hotch replied.

Ignoring Hotch's comment, the waiter began to sing:

_When the whipoorwill_

_Whippors in the wind_

_The wind can whipper back_

_Oh, NICE AND CHUBBY BABY!_

Beth facepalmed while Hotch's attention turned to the table where JJ, Morgan, Pinky and Will were sitting. Beth turned to Hotch, "Is everything all right?"

Hotch seemed distracted for a bit, "Oh, I was just thinking about our new agent, Pinky."

The waiter looked around, "Well, this is awkward. I'll start you off with some water and come back in 10 minutes. FLAMIEL!"

The waiter walked away and Beth looked at Hotch, ""What do you think of Pinky?"

Hotch rubbed his chin, "He's the most...interesting agent the BAU has had in a while. He's kind of like Garcia only I don't think he could hack into a computer. Scatterbrained, emotional, bit of a wildcard. He's good at communicating with mentally ill unsubs and he's pretty good friends with Reid. I see those two talk with each other a lot. He's very curious and childlike in a way."

Upon noticing Hotch at the other table, Morgan got up and walked over to him, "Hey, Hotch."

Hotch smiled, "Hey, Morgan. I noticed you guys were sitting down."

"Why didn't you come over and talk to us?" Morgan asked.

Hotch nodded, "All right." And so, Aaron Hotchner and Beth Clemmons approached the table, "Beth, I would like you to meet the newest agent on our force, Pinky. Pinky, this is my girlfriend, Beth."

Beth smiled at Pinky, "Nice to meet you, Hotch has told me a lot about you."

Pinky grinned, "Troz! Nice to meet you too, Beth. So, how did you and Hotch meet?"

"We met at the triathlon." Hotch replied.

Pinky blinked, "A triathlon? One time Brain and I tried to take over the world with a triathlon. Didn't work out so well, though."

Morgan chuckled, "That friend of yours thinks up of many crazy schemes."

Pinky nodded, "He sure does! But I love him anyway."

JJ sighed, "You know, Rossi hasn't spoke much since he came back."

Pinky giggled, "Oooooh, maybe he's on a mission involving Eggo waffles and spies and that funky music that plays in the background when spies eat waffles. Narf!"

JJ stared at Pinky, "Yeah...that makes a lot of sense..."

Suddenly, Hotch's phone started ringing and he picked it up, "Hello? Rossi"

Rossi was on the other end, standing in the laboratory, "I've been keeping tabs on The Brain ever since I learned he was a megalomaniac. I'm in Pinky and Brain's lab right now and Brain isn't here, there appears to be a struggle. He was most likely abducted."

Hotch spoke into his phone, "Any clues?"

"Just this postcard that says 'Gnawzguz' and a picture of the Warner Bros water tower on the back." Rossi replied.

"Gnawzguz? Isn't that Zugzwang spelled backwards?" Hotch asked.

Rossi nodded on the other end, "But the way this lab was trashed, it doesn't really fit the profile. For all we know, The Replicator could have a copycat."

"Got it, Rossi. Bye." Hotch sighed and turned to everyone, "We have an emergency case, Brain's been kidnapped."

Pinky's jaw dropped, "W-what?"

"I'll call Reid and Garcia to let them know. We'll pay for our dinner and move out ASAP. Time is of the essence in cases like this." Hotch replied.

Pinky whimpered softly. Brain? Kidnapped? Who could it be? Who would want to abduct his megalomaniac best friend? If the BAU couldn't crack this case, no one could.

*Criminal Minds theme song starts playing*

Joe Mantegna *Rossi is sitting at a desk*

Shemar Moore *Morgan is chasing after someone*

Matthew Gray Gubler *Reid is holding up a bag of some sort*

AJ Cook *JJ performs a roundhouse kick*

Kristen Vangsness *Garcia is typing away at her computer*

Rob Paulsen *Pinky is dancing in a hula skirt*

Thomas Gibson *Hotch is standing beside a police car, firing a gun*

and

*Camera pans out to reveal Hotch, Reid, JJ, Morgan, Garcia, Rossi and Pinky's head photoshopped on Blake's body*

**NOTE:** _So, it looks like Brain has been kidnapped. But by whom? Let's just say that the BAU are gonna go through a laundry list of suspects in the next chapter._


	2. Interviewing The Animaniacs

**NOTE:** _This chapter took long to write because of so many characters the BAU had to interview so the interviews are more like a montage of short snippets. Not much action in this chapter, but the story progresses further. _

It was about midnight the time the BAU arrived at the crime scene of the lab. Morgan rubbed his chin, "Now if I were a megalomaniac mouse, who would want to abduct me?"

Pinky shrugged, "A milkman?"

Morgan raised an eyebrow, "Seriously?"

Pinky simply shrugged, "Well, I'm just as stumped as you are. Troz!"

Hotch looked over the crime scene, "This couldn't be the actual replicator doing this. He's been stalking us since the beginning of Season 8 and Brain didn't come in until near the end. Besides, the Replicator would've killed Brain right away and copied Zachary Caldwell's MO by urinating on his corpse or killing him with a venomous snake like Cindy Lang did to her victims. Maybe the replicator had a fan of some sort."

"To keep himself cool?" Pinky asked.

Rossi shook his head, "Not that type of fan. Fan as in the people who follow famous people."

Pinky smiled, "Oh, right. I once had a fan like that. He opened a grocery store named Pinkysons. Too bad all the food was plastic. Still, it went well with seasonings and ketchup. Yummy. NARF!"

Reid looked over the scattered papers and plans, "The only reason someone would want to abduct a megalomaniac is if they were a rival of some sort. Pinky, did Brain have any rivals?"

Pinky rubbed his chin a little, "No...not any I can think of."

JJ folded her arms, "The unsub who took Brain most likely knew him. Did you and Brain have any coworkers, Pinky?"

"Animaniacs." Reid stated, "It was an animated variety show back in the nineties. Had a main cast of around 20 different characters, not including cameo appearences by animated versions of celebrities."

Pinky nodded, "That's where it all started. Zort!"

Hotch nodded, "All right, Rossi, Morgan and JJ, the three of you interview the cast of Animaniacs. Reid, try to get Pinky to remember details on Brain's enemies, you're closer to Pinky than the other agents so he'll open up to you easier. I'll stay behind here and look for clues."

Pinky saluted cheerfully, "Aye-aye Captain Hotch!"

Meanwhile, Brain was on a torture rack at an old familiar laboratory. Brain looked around himself, "Acme Labs...this place brings back memories."

Suddenly, he heard a voice from the shadows, "So, you have awoken."

A dark figure stepped out of the darkness to reveal he was wearing a black robe. Lifting his hood, he revealed his face. He was a hamster. Brain gasped, "Snowball? How is that possible? You were neutralized!"

The hamster shook his head, "Correction, my name is Snowball VII. I am the original Snowball's descendent. I know all about you, Brain. A little bird told me."

Brain glared at him, "Little bird? Enough with your foolish games, what do you want me for? To kill me?"

Snowball VII chuckled, "You'd be dead a long time ago if I wanted to kill you. No, I don't thirst for your blood. Think of me as more of a fisherman and you are the bait for an even bigger fish."

"Bigger fish?" Brain asked.

Snowball VII smirked, "Yes, a bigger fish called The Reaper."

Brain snorted, "As in the grim reaper? Don't be serious, no such thing exists! Just like Santa Claus and the Tooth Fairy."

Snowball VII shook his head, "No, not that kind of reaper. It's something much, much worse. I'm just here to keep you company till the hitman arrives."

"Hitman?" Brain asked, becoming a little nervous.

"Believe me, he'd really like to get a good taste of your blood. And with you out of the way, I shall follow in Snowball's footsteps and one day rule the world!" Snowball VII bragged.

Meanwhile, Rossi, Morgan and JJ were all interviewing the cast of animaniacs.

*****David Rossi interviews Mindy*****

Rossi sat down in the interrogation room with the small child, "All right, do you know anyone who would want to hurt, Brain?"

Mindy giggled, "You funny mister hairy face man."

"Brain was taken away." Rossi stated.

"Why?" Mindy asked.

"Because he was kidnapped." Rossi replied.

"Why?" Mindy asked again.

"Because someone wanted Brain gone." Rossi replied.

"Why?" Mindy asked.

"Because someone didn't want him to be ruler of the world." Rossi replied.

"Why?" Mindy asked yet again.

Rossi rubbed his forehead in exhaustion as Mindy giggled, "Okay, silly man. I love you. Buh-bye!"

*****Derek Morgan interviews Flavio and Marita, the hippos*****

Marita sighed, "What are we doing here, Flavio?"

Morgan sighed, "Ma'am, pardon our rudeness, but Brain was just kidnapped. Do you happen to know anyone who would do that to him?"

Marita started crying as Flavio crossed his arms, "This is harassment! I refuse to be treated like this and having my wife cry. Count us out on your little investigation!"

*****Jennifer Jareau interviews Buttons*****

Buttons filed into the room with JJ, whimpering softly in fear.

JJ sat across the room from him and spoke, "Oh, right. You're just a frightened dog who can't talk."

Buttons lowered his head and felt hot tears leave his eyes and run down the bridge of his muzzle. His ears were wilted, his tail was between his legs and he made the most pathetic whimpers imaginable.

"Poor thing. I'm sorry..." JJ knelt down and gently patted Buttons behind the ears. Still whimpering, Buttons nuzzled her back, the tears from his muzzle wetting her suit.

*****David Rossi interviews Runt*****

Runt was rambling, "Definitely, Rita is definitely a good dog!"

Rossi sighed, "So, how well did you know The Brain?"

Runt shook his head, "Who is Brain?"

Rossi showed him a photo of Brain, "This guy"

Runt growled a bit, "That's the meanest cat I've ever known!"

"I see..." Rossi replied, bewildered by Runt's idiocy.

*****Derek Morgan interviews Rita*****

Morgan sighed and then spoke to Rita, "We're investigating the kidnapping of a laboratory mouse, do you..."

Rita glared at Morgan, "You humans are all the same. When a mouse dies, this first thing you assume is that a cat killed it."

"Ma'am, I assure you that I'm not blaming you." Morgan replied.

Rita hissed a little, "That's what all humans say, when someone's pet mouse goes missing, the first thing you hairless apes blame is the cat. What about birds of prey and mouse traps? Cats aren't the only natural enemies of mice."

"I just want to know if you know anyone who-" Morgan began.

But it was too late, Rita somehow managed to slam the door of the interrogation room behind her.

*****Jennifer Jareau interviews Minerva Mink*****

"What do you consider your relationship to the Brain to be like?" JJ asked the mink.

Minerva ran her fingers through her blonde hair, "Who?" JJ showed her a picture of the Brain and she cringed, "Oh, I wouldn't date a guy like him in a million years. His friend, on the other hand, while not very hunky has rather pretty blue eyes. I don't understand why his friend says Narf all the time, though."

JJ sighed, "So, you don't talk with Brain much?"

Minerva cringed, "No way! The only way he and I could make it is if I were blindfolded in the relationship."

"Brain was kidnapped." JJ stated.

Minerva shook her head, "I've got nothing to do with this. I have no interest whatsoever in The Brain. Besides, I've got better things to do with my life."

"Sex services?" JJ asked dryly.

"Precisely." Minerva nodded.

*****David Rossi interviews Pesto*****

Rossi sighed, "So, I heard you have ties with the mob."

Pesto nodded, "I've whacked a few birds here and there, what's it to you?"

Rossi pulled out a photo of The Brain, "Do you know this guy?"

Pesto glared at Rossi, "That loser? He's got nothing to do with us pigeons. We could care less about mice who want to take over the world."

Rossi sighed, "I see. Thank you for your time."

Pesto grumbled a little, "You're lucky your Italian..."

*****Derek Morgan interviews Squit*****

Morgan sighed and scratched the back of his neck, "All right. Squit, is it? Tell me what you know about Brain."

Squit grinned, "It all happened long before I could remember. It was in the city-"

Morgan rolled his eyes, "I don't want to hear your life story. What can you tell me about Brain?"

Squit shrugged, "He wants to take over the world. Pretty lofty goal for such a little guy."

Morgan sighed, "Do you know anyone who would want to hurt him?"

Squit shrugged again, "I don't think anyone takes him seriously enough, to be honest. Most people brush him off and say he's crazy."

"Thank you for your time." Morgan replied.

*****Jennifer Jareau interviews Bobby*****

JJ was sitting across from Bobby, reading some facts on him, "So, Bobby. I hear your part of some kind of bird mafia."

Bobby nodded, "You're right about that. Am I...a suspect here?"

"Would this particular bird mafia have a thing against rodents? You know, like a gang war?" JJ asked, pulling out a photo of Brain.

Bobby shook his head, "No, mice and rats are of no concern to us birds, especially lab mice. Fuggedabout them. We only have gang wars against other birds. Mammals have no ties with us."

JJ nodded, "Good to know, do you know anyone who might want to hurt Brain?"

Bobby chuckled, "Guys a megalomaniac, a few bricks shy of a full load. He's more likely to get laughed at than killed."

*****David Rossi interviews Chicken Boo*****

Chicken Boo cocked his head and began pecking at the desk. Rossi stared it shock, "My name is...Agent Rossi. I'm with the FBI."

Suddenly, Penelope Garcia burst into the room shouting, "HE'S A CHICKEN, A GIANT CHICKEN, I TELL YOU!"

Garcia yanked Boo's disguise off and Rossi shrugged, "So it seems. All right, you're off the hook."

*****Derek Morgan interview Skippy Squirrel*****

"So, Skippy. Do you get picked on a lot at school?" Morgan asked.

Skippy nodded, "I used to till aunt Slappy taught me how to fight back."

"How did it feel to fight back?" Morgan asked.

"It made me feel really strong, just like Aunt Slappy. I look up to her a lot, she's my hero." Skippy grinned.

"Like a superhero?" Morgan asked.

"Mmmm-Hmmmm." Skippy nodded, "She has her own super powers. Think of me like her loyal sidekick!"

Morgan pulled out a photo of The Brain, "Do you know this guy?"

Skippy looked at the picture and nodded, "That's Brain. He's a real grouch but Pinky was one of my friends on the show. He'd always make me laugh. Did something happen to Brain?"

Morgan took a deep breath and looked into Skippy's big, soft eyes. How on Earth would he explain the abduction to such an innocent creature?

*****Jennifer Jareau interviews Slappy Squirrel*****

Slappy folded her arms and glared at JJ, "What the heck is this all about?"

JJ sighed, "Slappy, there's been a kidnapping."

Slappy growled, "So, I'm a suspect? Just because my cartoons were full of violent slapstick makes you think I'm some psychopathic serial killer like that nincompoop Jeffrey whathisface?"

JJ shook her head, "I'm not inplying that at all."

Slappy folded her arms, "So, what do ya wanna know, ya dumb blonde? I'm in a bad mood already for a parking ticket, so make this quick!"

JJ showed Slappy a picture of Brain, "This guy's the victim."

Slappy chuckled a bit, "That guy? He's a complete yutz if ya ask me. World domination? That guy should be in a nuthouse. Pinky's a good kid, though."

"Do you know anyone who would want to hurt him?" JJ asked.

Slappy shrugged, "Probably made many enemies. Try finding that needle in the haystack."

*****David Rossi interviews Hello Nurse*****

"Well, Hello Nurse!" Rossi grinned.

Nurse sighed, "I get that a lot."

"Do you know anyone who would want to hurt The Brain? He's been a victim of a kidnapping." Rossi explained.

Nurse shook her head, "Maybe you should ask Pinky, he's closer to him than any of us."

"That's what Agent Reid is doing" Rossi replied.

*****Derek Morgan interviews Doctor Scratchensniff*****

The doctor folded his arms, "Now, Derek, please tell me about your childhood."

Morgan sighed, "That is irrelevant to the case at hand, doctor. What we have is a missing person...er...mouse."

Scratchy shrugged, "Vhat are you talking about? Vhy did you become a profiler for the BAU?"

Morgan shook his head, "You know what? Forget it. I'm just going to take a coffee break. The plot calls for it because the writer of this fanfic is currently having writers block."

Morgan exited the room and Scratchy warned him, "Be careful vith the fourth vall there, Derek!"

*****Jennifer Jareau interviews Thaddeus Plotz*****

JJ sat across the table from the grumpy old man, "Now, Plotz. Who do you think could be responsible for Brain's kidnapping?"

Plotz glared at the blonde agent, "The Warners, no doubt. They're always causing trouble."

JJ raised an eyebrow, "Do you honestly think the warners are capable of this?"

Plotz glared at JJ, "Of course I do, they're obnoxious brats who deserve to be locked up in that water tower."

JJ glared back, "And you realize that's child abuse, correct?"

Plotz scoffed, "I'm not even their parental guardian. All they are is pests! Besides, they are escape artists, they don't stay long inside the water tower. It's like they are magic or something."

JJ looked at Plotz again, "One more thing: did you have any problems with Pinky or The Brain?"

"Those two lab rats? They're the least of my worries. Are you blaming me for Brain's kidnapping?" Plotz asked.

JJ sighed, "We just need to rule out suspects, all right?"

*****David Rossi interviews Wakko*****

"So, Wakko, you're the middle one of the Warner siblings. How does that make you feel?" Rossi asked.

Wakko shrugged, "Hungry, when do I get to eat?"

"When I finish questioning you, of course." Rossi replied.

Suddenly, Wakko pulled out his gag bag and took a toilet plunger out of it and casually began eating the plunger. Rossi looked on in shock and disbelief. Eventually, Wakko finished and let out a satisfied burp, "Tastes like chicken! So, what were you gonna ask me?"

"Skip it..." Rossi replied.

Wakko grinned, "FABOO!"

*****Derek Morgan interviews Dot*****

Morgan sat down and took a sip of his coffee, "What's your name?"

"My name is Princess Angelina Contessa Louisa Francesca Banana Fanna Bo Besca the third but you can call me Dot." Dot replied with a giggle.

Morgan raised an eyebrow, "Princess? So, you're royalty, right?"

Dot nodded, "I'm royally CUTE!"

Morgan nodded, "You're right."

Dot smiled, "You're cute, too but not as cute as Mel Gibson."

"Mel Gibson? I hear there's some controversy about him lately." Morgan replied.

Dot shrugged, "Every celebrity has got problems. Anyway, why am I here? I certainly hope this is a photo shoot to capture my cuteness."

Morgan shook his head and handed Dot a picture of Brain, "No, The Brain has been kidnapped. Do you know anyone who would want to do this?"

Dot shook her head, "Who would want to kidnap something so ugly? I mean, his sidekick Pinky is the 3rd cutest character on the show behind Mel Gibson and I but him? Who would want him? Ewww."

"That's what we're trying to find out." Morgan replied.

*****Jennifer Jareau interviews Yakko*****

Yakko smiled at JJ, "Helloooooo, NURSE!"

JJ shook her head, "Sorry, I'm married but there will be a cardboard cutout of me at comic-con near the Criminal Minds booth you can take home."

Yakko blushed, "Okay...I'll keep that in mind."

JJ smiled, "So, what do you know about Brain?"

Yakko chuckled, "Maybe you should ask Scratchy, after all, he's the P-Psychiatrist around here."

"Morgan already interviewed him." JJ replied, "And I'm talking about your co-star. You know, the mouse with the big head?"

Yakko blinked, "Co-star? Brain and I were in the same show but I wouldn't call him a co-star. His partner, Pinky and I share a larynx, though."

"Same voice actor?" JJ asked.

Yakko nodded, "Yep, his name's Rob Paulsen but he has nothing to do with Fight Club."

"I see." JJ replied, "By the way, do you know anyone who would want to hurt The Brain?"

"Once Pinky and the Brain got their own spinoff, they had a few antagonists but none of them stand out as much as...NO, I CAN'T SAY IT! It will bring DOOM upon us all!" Yakko shouted.

JJ got a stern expression, "There has been a kidnapping and I need to know this name. Can you at least write it?"

Yakko drew a shaky breath as JJ handed him a piece of paper. Trembling, he took a pen and wrote a name, "Elmyra". JJ blinked, "Elm-"

Before she could finish, Yakko covered her mouth, "Don't say it out loud. Bad things will happen if you do!"

*****Interviews end*****

JJ nodded and walked out of the interrogation room and saw Rossi and Morgan waiting for her, "I've interviewed 6 different toons. Poor Buttons was a nervous wreck, Slappy Squirrel seemed angry but has no interest in Brain, Bobby has mob ties but also has no interest in Brain, Minerva Mink thinks he's gross, Thaddeus Plotz is more worried about the Warners and Yakko's a good kid. None of them fit the profile of our unsub."

Morgan sighed, "Skippy Squirrel is a good kid, he's certainly no Danny Murphy or Jeffrey Charles, Squit and Scratchansniff are nice guys, Rita would've eaten Brain but would never leave a cryptic message behind, The hippos are just a couple of yuppies and Dot seems innocent enough."

Rossi started talking, "Pesto has a lot of anger but no interest in Brain, Runt doesn't have the mental capacity to pull this off, Mindy is only a toddler, Hello Nurse seems perfectly happy, Boo is a giant chicken and Wakko is too out to lunch to be a cold-blooded kidnapper."

JJ spoke up, "While I was interviewing Yakko, he gave me a name."

JJ handed a piece of paper to Rossi and he unfolded it, "Elmyra?"

Morgan walked down the hall and knocked on Garcia's door and she opened it, "Morgan?"

Morgan smiled at her, "Hey, baby-girl, we got a name: Elmyra. Type that in and cross-reference it with Animaniacs."

Garcia began typing away at her computer and a screen showed up, "Elmyra Duff. Grew up in ACME Acres and worked as a school nurse in ACME University despite her young age. But this is where this get creepy and by creepy, I mean Tubgirl creepy, I mean Human Centipede creepy, I mean-"

"Garcia." Morgan rolled his eyes.

"Oh, right. Elmyra had a thing for hording animals when her parents weren't looking, putting them in cages and squeezing them. Feces and urine were left all over the house, Elmyra's parents were arrested and she was forced to live with her aunt. Afterwards, a television executive named Jamie Kellner dropped Pinky and the Brain by her doorstep and the three developed a show together which was quickly cancelled. Eventually, Elmyra's parents were released from prison, she went back to live with them while Pinky and the Brain got a new lab. The rest is all history." Garcia replied.

"How does Jamie Kellner connect with Pinky and the Brain?" Morgan asked.

"Jamie Kellner was an executive responsible for cancelling most silver age Warner Bros cartoons. Many people want to see his head on a stick and I don't blame them." Garcia replied.

"One of them has to be the unsub. Do you have addresses for Duff and Kellner?" Morgan asked.

Garcia sent it to Morgan, JJ and Rossi's phones and JJ approached Morgan, "We'll have to split up, I'll call Hotch."

JJ dialed Hotch's number and he picked up on the other end, "Hello? JJ?"

JJ spoke into the phone, "We have two names of potential unsubs, Elmyra Duff and Jamie Kellner. Which one are you closest to?"

"Elmyra Duff. I'm in Acme Acres." Hotch replied as he checked his phone, "JJ, you, Rossi and Morgan take Kellner. I'll go after Duff by myself. Time is of the essence in this case."

**NOTE:** _Woah, looks like the BAU are barking up the wrong tree this time. As you can see, Elmyra Duff nor Jamie Kellner is the unsub, although it makes sense to have them as suspects. By the way, Danny Murphy and Jeffrey Charles are underaged killers in Criminal Minds. Also, the Pinkysons reference is about me. I had such hero worship for Pinky as a kid that I had a pretend grocery store named after him. Pinky + Albertsons = Pinkysons. So, yeah...Anyway, Ralph the security guard wasn't interviewed in this fic because he passed away from diabetes. Also, Katie Ka-boom is in prison. The next chapter, there will be more Reid and Pinky action. _

_BTW, is it just me or is Jamie Kellner a REALLY GOOD NAME for an unsub on Criminal Minds? It just has that "unsub" ring to it to me._


End file.
